Rituals of Connection: The Small Moments That Build Strong Relationships
By Ben G. Hubert, LPC-S, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist
Most couples and families don’t fall apart because of one giant blow-up. More often, they slowly drift away because everyday life gets loud: work, schedules, stress, screens, errands, fatigue, etc. Connection becomes “when we have time,” and time rarely shows up on its own.
Drawn from the Gottman Method and decades of relationship research, rituals of connection are a practical antidote to that drift. They are small, repeated, meaningful moments that help partners and families stay emotionally tethered—especially when life is busy. While milestones and big events are meaningful, it is the small, repeated rituals with our life partners and children that most strongly shape emotional security. These everyday moments become the fabric of connection and the story of who we are together.
Of course, having rituals in our lives is not a new concept. In general, rituals are events that bring people together in predictable ways, offering shared experiences and are often richly steeped in tradition. They give us identity, purpose, value, and celebrate life’s deepest longings and meanings.
What Are Rituals of Connection?
A ritual of connection is a predictable, shared routine that carries emotional meaning and signifies:
- You matter to me.
- We belong to each other.
- No matter what today brings, we come back to “us.”
Rituals can be brief or longer. The power isn’t in the size. The power is in the repetition, meaning, and shared expectation. Small rituals are what define a relationship. Big trips, anniversaries, and milestones are meaningful, but they are not what most people remember day to day. Emotional security is shaped by repeated, ordinary moments.
Why Rituals of Connection Matter
Rituals connect us by creating repeated moments of emotional presence. They define us by shaping the culture of a relationship—how we greet, reconnect, repair, and celebrate. They give us something to look forward to and provide stability, especially during stress or transition.
Examples of Rituals of Connection for Life Partners
- Morning or goodbye rituals (eye contact, hug and kiss, brief check-in)
- Intentional reunions after work with phones down
- Nightly appreciation or gratitude sharing
- Weekly date night or shared activity
- Bedtime rituals such as talking, reading, or physical affection
- Structured repair conversations after conflict
Examples of Rituals of Connection for Families
- Morning send-off routines for children
- After-school check-ins or shared snack time
- Regular family meals with shared conversation
- Consistent bedtime routines
- Weekly family nights or traditions
- One-on-one special time between parents and each child
- Seasonal and holiday traditions
Making Rituals Work in Real Life
A good ritual is:
- Realistic (fits your life, not your fantasy life)
- Repeatable (weekly or daily is better than someday)
- Mutual (both people buy in)
- Emotionally meaningful (signals care, respect, affection, and safety)
Start small. Choose one ritual and protect it. Over time, these small, repeated moments become the foundation of trust, closeness, and resilience within couples and families.
To learn more, visit Ben's bio for additional resources and links.